Day 229 - Source of Strength

S O S

Inside of me is a Source of Strength

I know it's there

I know it

So why do I struggle so?

When life has beaten me down

When I almost lost my life

My Source of Strength pulled me through

Source of Strength

S O S

My own personal life preserver

When the waters are deep

When the waves batter away at me

My SOS saves me

So why do I struggle so?

When the tough stuff happens -

Life or Death

Fight or Flight

Sink or Swim

I pull myself up and carry on

I survive

I am a Survivor

So why do I struggle so?

Day to day

Hour to hour

Moment to moment

I struggle

I struggle to smile

To laugh

To live

To love

I struggle to sleep

To wake up

To eat

To stop eating

I struggle to stand up and move

I struggle to sit down and take a break

I struggle to find my voice

My direction

My purpose

I know I am here for a reason

I know I have survived for a reason

I know I am an amazing being

Worthy of all the world has to offer

I know I have much to offer the world

So why do I struggle so?

When push comes to shove

I know I can dig deep

My Source of Strength will come through

And help me rise above

But where is it moment to moment?

Where is it -

When the tears are pouring down my face for days on end

And no one is there to wipe them away?

When the world is lonely and scary?

When the little things aren't so little

But instead seem like giants trying to crush me?

When the lemons have dried up and there is no possible way

To make lemonade?

Where is my Source of Strength then?

It is still there

Inside me

Waiting patiently for me to find it

Waiting for me to feel what I need to feel

Go through what I need to go through

Learn what I need to learn

To cry the tears that need to be shed

To fight the internal battles in my head

My Source of Strength is always there

Like good days and bad days

It has Strong days and weak days

But it is ALWAYS there

And on those weak days

It is Stronger than I realize

It is what dries my tears

And overcomes my fears

It is what gets me up and moving

When all I want to do is sleep

It tells me it's okay to rest

When life is out of control and I don't have time to

It helps me find new lemons

And ways to bring a smile to my face

It is what guides me in finding my voice

My direction

My purpose

My Source of Strength is the internal hug I need

To get me through the sad, lonely, rough days

The struggles are real

They will always be there

But my Source of Strength is real too

And ALWAYS present, even when it is quiet

I AM my Source of Strength

And I can do anything

Andrea Morgan  July 27, 2016

Source of Strength

Acrylic on canvas 24x24

Day 228 - painting

Boy it's been a while. Been on vacation and had a hundred other things going on pulling me in many directions. The call to create has been there but I've kinda been feeling in a rut lately. Still trying to figure out where I want to go with art. The logical thing is to figure that out on canvas, not in my head. But I just haven't been able to make myself do that. I follow a lot of other artists on Facebook, probably part of my problem - I need to stop comparing and getting stuck in the "I can't compete with that" mind trap.  Anyway, one of my favs, Flora Bowley, posted today - "when there are no words, paint it out." That statement pulled me into the studio just now and this is what came out. Not sure what it's saying, and it will probably take many more layers to figure that out. Or it might just stay as it is. I dunno. But I do know I need to get back in the studio again. I need to pull out my sketchbook and pencils again. Because I think this disconnect I have with myself and life is because I am not fully being me. Art is who I am and I've been letting too many other things pull me away lately. Need to stop that.